Courtesy of Wikipedia
Winter can be a real drag. Not only is it physically and emotionally draining—it's so damn drab! With that in mind, here are some helpful suggestions from Her Imperial Majesty Jadis, Queen of Narnia, Chatelaine of Cair Paravel, Empress of the Lone Islands to help you get through these long, cold months.
⇒ Layer yourself in sumptuous white furs, and remember that more is always better! This isn't the season for minimalism, at least not when it comes to staying warm and/or showing off your wealth. Comfort is paramount, especially when you spend so much of your time traveling in an open sledge and oppressing adorable talking animals.
⇒ Steer clear of holiday blues by flat out banning Christmas and outlawing Santa Claus. Who needs the stress of shopping, cooking and entertaining, especially when the weather is this miserable? Anyway, that jolly bearded communist will just incite mutiny among the peasantry.
⇒ Feeling overworked? Don't let the tension of a high-powered job get you down! Instead, employ a pack of murderous wolves as your secret police, and then delegate, delegate, delegate! You can't destroy an entire population's spirit all by yourself, so stop micro-managing.
⇒ The reduced availability of fresh foods can make it tough to eat a balanced diet during the colder months, especially if you've cast an evil spell that's made winter last 100 years! Power through these grey, sunless days by drinking the blood of your enemies to keep your iron levels up—eat their livers for a boost of Vitamin D.
⇒ Gain the loyalty of young princes by feeding them enchanted Turkish Delight, then coerce them into doing your bidding with promises of future Turkish Delight. Once these young men are in your power, they'll be willing to do anything for you, up to and including betraying their own family. This will come in handy both when you need to crush any rising rebellions . . . or on nights when you're too lazy to get up from your throne to microwave a burrito or reset the WiFi.
⇒ Carry around a tiny copper bottle full of a liquid that turns into precisely anything you want when you pour it on snow. I honestly don't know why you aren't doing this already–I can't recommend it highly enough.
⇒ Keep your skin soft and beautiful by bathing in Aslan's tears.
⇒ Recharge your emotional batteries by taking up relaxing hobbies such as turning disobedient subjects into stone or terrorizing small children.
⇒ Get at least some of the trees on your side. What is this, amateur hour? You need spies out there in the forests, and trust me when I tell you that the fauns just aren't going to cut it.
⇒ Avoid wrinkles and fine lines by never smiling. Instead, keep your face proud, cold and stern. And don't forget that a bright red lip looks really good against all that snow.
⇒ Literally just be an evil enchantress who does anything she wants.
